by Lindsay Novak, MA, LIMHP, CPC, NCC on March 3, 2010
The kids. The job. The house. Americans prioritize everything above their romantic partners – and as a result, the country is in the midst of a sexual famine.
Dr. Oz wants you to have more sex, and is suggesting you and your partner join the National Sex Experiment. In a show that aired this February, Dr. Oz suggests a plan for you and your partner to rekindling your intimate life together. The suggestions focus on communication and connection, then practicing more kissing and cuddling. Dr. Oz also recommends attempting sex weekly regardless of “it” being perfect (pending no pain with intercourse or unresolved traumatic history). Lastly, he urges the importance of following these guidelines :
Appreciation
Men need to make their wife or partner feel loved.
Women need to make their loved one feel he’s doing a good job.
Attention
Men need to help more around the house. Show her that you notice all she does for you!
Women need to make their man and the relationship a priority.
Affection
Men should provide their loved one with non-physical attention – or at least attention without the sole intent of having sex.
Appearance
Women know it’s easy to slip into something more comfortable, wash off the makeup and let the little things slide. Think about how you used to primp for first dates and special occasions – it will put some excitement back into your relationship as well as showing your man that you’re still interested in him.
Does this plan motivate you to prioritize intimacy? Could it help your relationship? Do you and/or your partner need to address other sexual or relationship problems first before being successful at Dr. Oz’s plan? What are you thoughts?
by Lindsay Novak, MA, LIMHP, CPC, NCC on February 12, 2010
Does Valentine’s Day help prioritize intimacy or cause a stressful expectation for couples with sexual problems?
The collaboration of Cupid and Hallmark can either add romantic joy to a relationship or additional problems. Some couples find this annual rose-smelling, chocolate-eating, dinner-reservation holiday a wonderful excuse to prioritize time away from careers and kids. Other couples believe that Valentines Day necessitates the same date night with extra-expensive flowers and over-crowed restaurants. Unfortunately, for some couples, this holiday poses downright frustration.
Since 40% of people identify with a sexual dysfunction or dissatisfaction with their sex life, this obligated-intimate day may cause frustration and stressful-expectations. It’s possible that this holiday may help rekindle the intimate spark by spending time together, communication, a sense of feeling important to one’s partner, a reason to feel sexy, giving a gift from the heart, etc. Others may be angered by expectations, which only exasperate low desire/libido. Worse yet, if a person is experiencing pain with intercourse or orgasm difficulties, roses won’t make a difference.
So on Valentine’s Day – or any day – I recommend the following to increase the intimacy in your relationship:
Be realistic
Every long-term relationship will have its share of disappointments. But learning to look beyond a particular bad patch to see your partner objectively and lovingly can pull you through.
Remembering and nourishing memories of happy times you’ve had together can help you get past irritation and those times when you’re wondering if you want to stay in the relationship.
Develop rituals
The way you and your partner say good-bye or hello, or how you celebrate birthdays or anniversaries year after year can help build a strong connection that can keep you emotionally committed during times of conflict.
For example, taking time to kiss your partner good-bye every morning when you leave for work — no matter how late or distracted you are — tells him or her that in the grand scheme of things your relationship is a high priority.
Listen actively
Jumping in and interrupting when your partner is trying to tell you something can make him or her frustrated or discouraged. It’s crucial to listen more than you speak when you’re having a serious discussion.
Be honest
Secrets and lies weaken the foundation of any relationship. Ignoring problems (another form of keeping secrets) doesn’t make them go away. What is important is respectful, open communication regarding your feelings and dreams.
Fight fair
Even the truest of friends and most compatible partners argue. To keep your disagreements from damaging your relationship, set up some respectful ground rules during a calm moment.
These might include no name-calling or criticizing, making sure each person gets to have a say, really listening to each other and taking a break from the discussion if it gets too heated, as long as you promise to revisit the issues within a day or two.
Get help if you’re stuck
Methodist Physicians Clinic Women’s Center houses the unique Sexual Medicine and Wellness Center, combining gynecological, therapeutic and psychological clinicians in one clinic in order to provide a collaborative treatment approach.
Both men and women can fall victim to low libido, arousal disorders, orgasm problems and/or pain with intercourse. All of these factors may contribute to why a sexual problem exists in a partnership, in addition to overall relationship problems, lack of communication, history of trauma, onset of a medical problem or illness, affairs, etc.
How will you keep the romance alive?
