The National Cancer Institute estimates that approximately 11.7 million Americans with a history of cancer were alive in January 2007. That figure is up from an estimated 10.5 million in 2003.
Additional statistics show the five-year relative survival rate for all cancers diagnosed between 1999 and 2006 is 68 percent, up from 50 percent in 1975-1977.
These increases in survival can clearly be attributed to better efforts in diagnosing some cancers as well as improving quality of life for survivors.
While October is a month set aside for breast cancer awareness, we felt it was a good time to write about cancers in general and how they can impact a relationship.
If you are someone who has been diagnosed or are awaiting your results, your first thoughts are most likely about survival. Will I beat this? What are my odds? How will I beat it?
As soon as treatment begins, other questions surface. How “normal” can my life be after cancer? Will treatment have side effects? How will cancer affect my relationship and sex life?
All of these questions are normal and healthy to consider for both you and your partner.
Some of the most popular onco-sexology questions we encounter at the Methodist Physicians Clinic Pelvic Pain and Sexual Medicine Clinic are:
Q: Why have I lost interest in sex?
A: Fear, doubt, worry, anxiety and sadness can consume your thoughts with a cancer diagnosis. If you are having pain or feel tired and ill from you treatments, you may lose interest in sex. This is normal. Your feeling for sex should return after your cancer treatments end. If not, visit with a specialist in sexual medicine to explore other avenues
Q: Is it safe to have sex with my partner while taking chemotherapy?
A: Yes. However, a few studies suggest chemotherapy by-products may be present in semen. To protect your partner from these, you might consider using a condom.
Q: Is it safe to have sex with my partner while taking radiation treatment?
A: This depends on the type of radiotherapy you are receiving. The body is not radioactive after receiving radiation from an external source, such as a machine. If another type of radiotherapy is being used, ask your doctor and follow his/her advice.
Cancer and Your Partner:
With any cancer or serious illness your partner will often take on the role of caregiver. While some are rock stars in this role, not everyone is comfortable in such a capacity.
Your partner is a huge source of support, but be mindful of what they are experiencing along the diagnosis, treatment and recovery path.
They take on the additional tasks of parenting, home responsibilities, financial stress, additional work hours, yet they often have a general sense of helplessness toward your care. Some of those feelings of concern continue long after treatment, with the added worry that cancer may return.
Communication during the entire process is vital. Be as honest with each other as you can about how you are feeling and what you are experiencing. Most likely, what you are both experiencing is very normal.
Unfortunately, it’s common to experience undesirable effects from cancer treatment. These concerns can be both indirectly and directly related to sexual function, such as:
- Exhaustion
- Hair loss
- Weight loss or weight gain
- Changes in muscle mass
- Depression
- Menopausal concerns in women
- Hormonal changes that can cause fertility concerns, lower sexual desire and lubrication problems
- Changes in sensation and orgasm abilities
- Pain with intercourse
If your treatment has included surgery, such as mastectomy or reconstruction, the scaring itself can present problems between partners. While some may want to touch the scar – as an indication that “everything is OK” – the one bearing the scar may not feel the same.
Again, communication is crucial.
Communicate with your partner about:
- changes in sensation
- how your desires may be different
- shifts in what you like and what no longer interests you
- desire to be intimate without expectations for intercourse
Single Survivors
While we have primarily addressed those in relationships, much of what we are saying holds true for someone who is single and dealing with a cancer diagnosis or has proclaimed victory over cancer.
Communication. Communication. Communication.
- Surround yourself with a solid support system of family, friends and other survivors.
- Voice your needs – both physical and emotional.
- Ask questions about side effects that could be detrimental to your sexual confidence and ask about options to preserve, prevent and minimize sexual concerns.
And remember, medical science is strong and survivors reclaim their lives more and more every day. As research is showing, the likelihood of you beating your cancer is very high. Once you reach the status of cancer survivor – celebrate your survivorship.
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